10 Best Ways to Live Without Expectations
Woman meditating on beach
Do you set unrealistic expectations for yourself and others? Are you unhappy with your life now? Often it is your expectations that are to blame. We’ve got ten of the best ways of living without expectations.
1. Become Aware of Expectations
The first step to living without expectations is always recognition. And expectations can be subtle, often disguised as:
Goals
Vision Boards
Assumptions
Beliefs
Social Norms
Don’t get me wrong. It is great to have all these things. When the expectation determines your happiness or how you experience life, it needs to be put in check. An expectation is often something in association with the word “should:”
You should do something
Someone should say something
Something should happen
You should be something
These types of expectations can rule your life and destroy your potential for happiness, especially when expectations fall short. Learn to recognize when something is an expectation, so you can proactively let it go. (Cue an ice princess.)
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2. Be Kind, Instead of Right
One of Dale Carnegie’s fundamental principles in How to Win Friends and Influence People is that it is better to be kind than right. When you stop wanting to be right, you won’t be filled with disappointment when the expectation isn’t met. You’ll also be more pleasant company when you’re not bossing people about how they should do things or how they should think.
This is particularly true when interacting with others. This doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior. Instead, stop believing your right way of doing something or thinking something is how other people should do it.
3. Don’t Put Expectations on Others
Yes, this is extremely hard. But here’s the captain’s obvious secret: you have no control over others’ actions. Just because they should act or think a certain way doesn’t mean they will. And the more disciplined you can become at not letting their actions bother you, the happier you’ll be.
Now, this doesn’t mean people are accountable for their actions. They are. But don’t let it affect your happiness when they fall short. Choose forgiveness as much as possible.
4. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
We live in an aggressively competitive world, and it’s difficult not to compare yourself to others. But when you compare yourself to others, you will never be enough. Someone will always be richer, more talented, prettier, skinnier, or [add adjective of your choice]. You’ll put unrealistic expectations on how you should be.
Instead, be who you are. Each of us was born with unique strengths, talents, and weaknesses. Set personal expectations that improve your strengths and weaknesses by leveraging your talents. Celebrate others’ accomplishments instead of letting them discourage you.
Woman finding peace in the woods
5. Create Goals That Emphasis the Process More Than the End Result
In a world of KPIs, this can be easier said than done. But when you shift your paradigm to creating habits or learning new skills over-achieving results, you’ll never be disappointed with the results.
Now, of course, end results are great, but when you celebrate the wins of improving during the process, you’ll find more satisfaction and recognize the positives when goals fall short.
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6. Be Flexible to Change and New Possibilities
Life is constantly changing, and plans often fail from unforeseen circumstances. You cannot control it. So it’s important to shift your mindset from achieving a specific outcome by following a perfect plan to improving your behavior or actions during the process.
Then when hiccups or roadblocks occur, you can pivot with more flexibility and adjust your plan to fit the new circumstances. Think of it as an Agile iterative process. Only it’s your expectations that are being developed, tested, and reworked.
7. Focus on Things You Can Control
Disappointment from expectations often results from circumstances out of your control. So in situations where you feel disappointment set in, you need to shift your mindset to only worrying about what you can affect. Forgive those that fall short or do it differently than how you would have. Look for the small wins within your control.
For perfectionists, this might be the most important tip. Often perfectionists have high expectations of themselves and others and envision how things should be done. They then take it upon themselves to overrun anyone who isn’t doing it right. This is the definition of a Karen. And while it might get done, you aren’t going to win any friends in the process.
8. Be More Present
Stop measuring what your life is now to a future expectation. If you do this, your life will never be enough. The grass will always be greener. And if you hop pastures to greener grass, you’ll only find another pasture that’s greener.
Focus on the now. There are several things you can do to live more in the present:
PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE: I realize you’re probably reading this on your phone, so finish the article and then put it down. Seriously…in like three minutes. Read fast.
Get Out of Your Head
Watch and Interact With Others in a Caring Way
9. Be Honest With Yourself and Others
When you are honest with yourself, you’ll realize who you can be now in the present and let go of expectations that can affect your happiness. You can accept your mistakes more readily without beating yourself up. It’s life. Live it instead of complaining about what isn’t realistic.
Be honest with others. Whether you practice brutal honesty or just assert yourself in an honest, caring manner, when someone crosses a boundary, they will hopefully respond respectfully. It’s okay to set boundaries and be honest about what they are to others.
Man jumping for joy
10. Express Gratitude Daily
Expressing gratitude daily for the positives in your life is scientifically proven to improve your happiness and personal well-being. Find the beauty in this amazing world in which we live. Be grateful for who you are, for your strengths, weaknesses, and talents. Be grateful for the people and animals that enrich your life and spend more time with them.
Instead of being angry or disappointed in what should be, find something to be grateful for despite the unrealized expectation. There’s a silver lining to everything when you make an effort to look.
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